Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Make it reassuring.

Just wanted to share something mind-blowing and amazing with you.

Sometimes I feel like nobody can hear me.
As in, hear my distress and plea for help in time of need.
Like not even He will answer.

And I was just thinking about it minutes ago, that my future seems so bleak and full of uncertainty and I was just mulling over these thoughts and that yknow, I was not sure whether I'm heard even when I pray.

Then, out of no where, amidst my troubling thoughts, I just felt the urge to open iTunes, so random right lol, and I never open it when using the computer (I'm using comp now) cos only my lappie has all of my songs and iTunes in comp is very inadequate lol but suddenly I felt like I needed to do it.

So I opened iTunes, and just started scrolling down, pretty aimlessly, not even sure of what I'm looking for. Then I reached Hillsongs. And my eyes went straight to the song Came To Rescue and I knew I had to play it. It's such a simple song, with only 2 verses, 1 chorus and a bridge, but I guess it was the lyrics that really struck me. I've heard this song a million times and it's actually one of my favourites but somehow it was only minutes ago that I realised how real a song can be.

The chorus is :
I called You answered
And You came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where You are.

And it was all I could do to contain the tears. I mean, I was reassured that, really, He will answer when I call. That I can always reach out to Him without feeling any shame. But somehow, through some weird malfunction of my brain, I still wondered, something that was niggling at the back of my mind, if He really will answer.

And so like whatever la. I mean I felt reassured, but not reassured reassured, you get ? Okay then I felt like checking my email. Mainly for any changes in UCAS. But weirdly I ended up scrolling down down down to the first few emails and clicked on an email VeiShaun sent me, only because I was wondering since when do I receive emails from VeiShaun and since the title wasn't in bold, I'd obviously opened it before but couldn't remember what it was about.

The first thing that greeted me was :

Isaiah 65:24 - 'Before they call, I will answer.'

Exactly in that size.
I was left speechless and in awe.
I mean like it was blasted right in my face.

I mean, to lead me to a song that answered my questions and silenced my doubts is amazing enough but to reiterate it in an email sent ages ago is something altogether.
And as if Him reassuring me that He will answer after I call was not enough, He had to show me that even before I call, He will answer.

The rest of the verse is :

While they are still speaking I will hear.

I don't know. I feel like this is so weird. Like good weird. And my 18-yr-old brain can't comprehend the extent to which His promises are so real.

I need to trust Him more.
And it's never too late cos :

"Return to me and I will return to you, says the Lord Almighty."
Malachi 3:7

I also feel that sometimes I put too much importance on worldly things and also myself. And another song I played by Hillsongs United was Lead Me To The Cross and parts of the lyrics leapt out at me :

Everything I once held dear,
I count it all as lost.

Bring me to my knees,
Lord I lay me down.

Rid me of myself,
I belong to You.

I believe that there is a reason for everything and to me, through what I experienced 10/15 minutes ago, it happened because this is the start of a new year. Year 2009. And it's time I stop living my life for myself and also to commit and rely on Him because He will answer.

I'm still learning and like everyone else, I fall every now and then, but I'm trying ( :

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