So, my bedside table has a lot of books stacked up on it.
Some for a little bedtime reading, some are there because I study on the bed at times.
So they've just accumulated, some on top of the other with their spines hidden, some next to each other with their titles neatly printed on their spines for the whole world to see.

After a devotional session with my dad just now, he was talking to me about the verse we read. Psalm 119 : 9-16. It speaks about how we are to remember His decrees and percepts and word to keep our ways pure. My dad left with me something to ponder upon.

"So why is it that we spend so much time reading everybody else's word (taps a book - JK Rowling's word in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on my table and goes on to lightly jab Jonathan Herring's word in Criminal Law Textbook under Harry Potter) but not God's word?"

"We can read everrryyyythingggg in whole wide world (I looked at my shelf stacked with storybooks) and we forget the most important."

Huh. Never thought about it that way.

A further impactful verse that struck me was v11:
I have hidden your word in my heart that I may not sin against you.

So have I hidden His word in my heart? Have I kept His decrees, His percepts, His ways, His word in my heart that I may not sin against Him? Not entirely.
Do I try to? Yeah.
All the time? Erm, I don't think so..
Why not? .....
WHY NOT?

I mean, like my dad said, we spend so much time memorizing and labouring and agonizing over our studies, in my context it's Law. And I mean, I spend hours going through those stupid cases, those definitions and everything else and I don't realize that none, NONE, of them matter when it comes down to my relationship with God.

Who am I kidding man. Like seriously. What use is memorizing all that when I neglect reading His word? His word that is the very light onto my path? His word that I'm supposed to live by??

Right now I can tell you from memory the sections for the offence of theft. S3 for appropriation, S4 for property and S5 for belonging to another. It's at the back of my hand. But what for?? When I don't have the word of God at the back of my hand?? I invested so much time knowing all these that are so... So stupid. When compared with the word of life.

I turned and looked at Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (which I have read at least a good 10 times) on my table and it's like, what the gay man, why am I reading that so many times when I have not read the bible through, from page to page, every single word, at least once and understood it?

It's worse now that my do or die finals are drawing ever nearer. It's like I spend almost every waking hour studying (or attempting to study, the distinction of which doesn't really matter cos I'm still sitting there staring at the book) and only a fraction of my time reading the word. Of. God. The word of the one who holds my future in His hands. The future which I am currently neglecting His word to study for. Ironic, isn't it. Neglecting the word of God to study for a future determined by God. Like hello, what is wrong with you, woman!